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Due to certain unforeseen events, I've been living without electricity now for almost one full week. Surely I didn't spend all this time in my dark and suddenly medieval flat, but after sleeping in other people's homes for several days I decided that I needed my own space, lightless or not. Tomorrow I will supposedly get the lights back and will drop back to the internet addicted life of mine - but until that, I shall try to enjoy this peculiar situation.
Suddenly there are no distractions. Just me and the cat, who by the way doesn't seem to mind this position at all. And why would he? What does a thing like electricity mean to a cat anyway? It's totally secondary, useless. After all life is not at the other end of the plug, even though chords can be awfully fun to play with.
Candle light is strangely calming. Perhaps it's the quiet subtle movement it makes. It's not so horribly revealing and blunt; instead it dances around and shows something different to me with each flicker.
Something makes this moment extremely peaceful. The sounds, perhaps? I was even lucky enough to run out of battery on my iPod. Thus, not even music. First I thought it was unfortunate but now I don't anymore. The only sounds to be heard now are the silent rainfall outside and the pot of hot soup simmering on the stove. On occasion I give the cat some cuddles; he's curled up on my lap, resting after an insane hour of playing - and every time I pet him, he starts purring. I don't wish to distract his kitty dreams though. Just to hear a little bit of that completely benevolent murmur. I enjoy immensely each thing that I'm hearing right now.
The sense of self; small things, when everything unnecessary has been ripped off. Or rather, just softly peeled away. I hear the cars honking on the street and the aeroplanes landing and taking off. But the rushing and stress and concerns that these sounds usually transmit cannot reach me here. I'm protected in this involuntary retreat in the strangest of ways.
Drowsiness is taking over. Maybe the distress and sadness I've felt for the past week are finally catching up with me - and fading away, leaving me feeling like I've just stepped out of a refreshingly cool pool. Washed off, clean.
I feel calm, rested and totally stress-free. I guess I deserved this sensation after all that's happened during the past days, months even. Who knows, maybe without the agony I went through I couldn't have enjoyed this moment as much as I do now.
Suddenly the whole world seems to shrink. It gets smaller and smaller until it's finally proportional, finally comprehensible. There's no world outside anymore. Nowhere has everything you need. I'm home. I'm safe.
