Glimpses

A darling friend of mine gave me a speech a few days ago. "You should write!" She told me. And I agreed - yes, I will, I am going to start... Any day now.

Of course I did not. For once I can actually say I'm too tired. No thoughts running in my head. But I did manage to do something; I went through a lot of my old texts tonight. Some strange ramblings, random scribbles, letters, letters that I never sent, beginnings of stories, whatever. So in order to do something else than constantly complain about every single goddamn thing in this blog, I will blog some of these short texts here.

I feel the need to say though; there's no beginning or ending in most of these. Let's start with this one. Randomly. It's a true story but does not include the fact that I actually broke my phone right after the call ended. Censorship warning!

- - -

The phone call ended as abruptly as the whole relationship had ended. No warnings, no time to prepare. The battery just died, and stayed off, because even the charger was broken.

A thousand thoughts were flying through the air simultaneously. Making no sense and making the most sense at the same time, they confused her and consumed her and made the anger pop up to the surface once more. This time it returned with such edge and sharpness she hadn't felt like it before. It nearly paralyzed her. She could feel her heart wanting to break away from her chest, and she could feel her blood rushing through her veins like race cars. Yet she was unable to move, to make a sound, to even breath for a little while.

They had told her that things pass. Everything passes. The pain subsides and the hatred fades away, only to become a vague memory of a once pure feeling. And the love? Yes, that passes also. Until it's only a past dream that you can hardly recall - the faces are strange and their mouths move but you can't hear what they're saying anymore. That's how love passes. You fall down, and before you hit the ground you're terrified and scared - so, so scared, but once you hit the ground you go numb and another life has gone like that, and another one has begun, even without you knowing it.

Is it fair, to live like this, to love like this? She thought. Is it even meaningful, or are some of us here just to look and observe, never to achieve that what those others so easily stumble upon?

It's not, she concluded. And it's painful, too. And this world is too much to handle for a small girl like she is. It's too much to handle. And that's when she decided she wouldn't try to handle the world anymore. Maybe it was time for the world to try to handle her.

- - -

There we go. No whining.
Until next time...