But who was it for?

A letter that I never sent.
At least I can't recall sending it.
I probably didn't.

_ _ _ _ _

What would I have said if I had had the chance?

I would have told you that I was always honest. Silly, delusional, desperately in love, but honest. I had my wishes and hopes, that now seem ridiculous and shameful.

I would have told you that you put me through hell. Not the hell where people die burning, like the Bible teaches us. But it was a personal hell, where only I burned.

I would have told you that I'm a strong person. I am. And when I hit my darkest moments, I always knew I had my strength to carry me out - yet I also knew that there was a price that I had to pay for that strength, and it was a high price I eventually paid.

I would have told you that your friendship was greatly valued. Whatever the matter, I knew I could tell you and you would understand. Never in a million years did I imagine to find a person like you here. A strange, twisted mirror image of myself.

I would have told you about the moments when I accidentally started thinking of you. At work; at a grocery store; at a bus; at a nightclub; at home - you name it. And every time I thought about you I felt like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest. And then I would continue like nothing ever happened, hoping that nobody would see that ugly, open, bleeding wound right in the middle of my chest.

I would have told you that I've missed you. So many little things that I wanted to tell you, things that you would laugh at, things that would make you happy, things that only you would understand.

I would have told you that the only thing I ever asked of you was honesty, and it was ultimately the only thing you chose not to give me.

And then I would have told you that we will be apart. Unknown, unfamiliar to each other. Non-existent.

I never sent this to you. But I loved you very much.

_ _ _ _ _

I have a sense of drama, it seems.